How can I help my child cope with the stress of change?

Change means that things are not the way they used to be and the “unknown” can be quite scary for most people at any age.
We as adults have learned that changes are inevitable in life, so even though this can cause us a lot of stress and anxiety we have the ability to cope with them.

Knowing what’s going to happen next gives human beings a sense of security and emotional stability. Most of us prefer the comfort of consistency and to have things staying the way they are.

Then guess what happens to toddlers and babies? Yeap. Exactly the same!

Neuroscience and developmental research show that the first five years in life are fundamental for setting up optimal lifelong development, and despite, changes are part of our lives, dealing with them is something children need to learn in a smooth way.

Young children are exposed to change daily, which is a great opportunity for growth, but can also be stressful and scary sometimes.

The changes begin since they are born. Babies give up breastfeeding, dummies, milk bottles, cots, and in most cases, lose their standing as the baby of the house.    
When toddlers they are introduced to new teachers and friends that often come and go. They learn new skills and information every day, from sharing and climbing to riding a scooter and reading.

Most of these changes happen quickly and in some cases children feel they are not “in control” of their lives.

So, how parents can have a positive impact on their children’s ability to deal with all the changes life will bring to them? 

Warnings

Explain to your child what’s going to happen ahead of time. Despite this won’t change how children will feel when the situation is in place, the fact of knowing that there will be changes can make it easier for them to process their new upcoming reality.
Be honest with your child and talk about how the new changes will affect your day to day lives. Using an appropriate language, let your child know that your lifestyles won’t be the same and why.
Keep in mind that repetition is very important when giving warnings to children. So, when possible, talk about the new changes with your child and continue to remind them. 

Easing transitions

As children’s brains are still developing emotional capabilities, it’s very difficult for them to handle emotions, and consequently, changes. 

Children (unlike adults) are simply living in the moment, which means that being forced to move to another task or activity can upset them very badly. They don’t know what to expect and this triggers strong emotions associated with the unknown. 

Children rely on parents and caregivers in their lives to be there when things get hard – and transitions are hard. This is the reason why most kids need an adult’s assistance when dealing with change. 

They need support to get from one side to the other, and the other side is completely unknown to them, which causes vulnerability, fear and worries. 

It’s extremely important to give your child this support, establishing security and comfort during the process. Remind your child what’s going to happen next and help them manage their emotions.  

Social Story

A social story or social narrative is a strategy tool used to explain to a child about situations that are challenging or confusing.
They are designed to describe a specific situation in a way that children will have a better understanding of what’s happening and/or what’s going to happen. This supports a meaningful exchange of information between parents and caregivers with a child that’s going through a change in life.

Let your child be upset

Usually children don’t openly show up their feelings and emotions in a way that is obvious for parents to understand. This often comes as a testing or challenging behaviour, resistance, crying and doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the new situation itself – and that’s okay (not easy, but okay…) This is a way they find to get their frustrations out about what’s happening. 

Children, just like adults, have the need to express their emotions. They need to feel that this is acceptable and that they will find comfort and support when things are not alright.

Look on the positive side

This can be very hard at times as adults also have tough days and can struggle when dealing with their own emotions. 

However, no matter what the changes are, it’s important to stay positive and look on the bright side as much as possible for your child’s sake. 

Children are often exposed to their parents’ emotions and are extremely sensitive to those feelings. So, if you constantly talk about the negative aspects of your new lifestyle, there are big chances your child will do the same. 

Keep positive and try your best to talk about the new lifestyle in a positive way. If we look carefully, there’s always something good or exciting about a new change.