Tantrums In Toddlers: How To Survive

Suddenly, that baby who seemed so quiet and peaceful some months ago, now screams, throws himself on the floor and causes the most different feelings in you, from shame to anger, going through the urge to laugh.

Dealing with a tantrum is not easy, but it is inevitable. The good news is that this is not only normal, but a crucial part of a child’s development, and the learning they will have at that age will help them shape the way they handle feelings in adulthood.      

Why do these emotional meltdowns happen? How do parents should act? And can we prevent them?

See how to go through this “embarrassing situation” and learn strategies to avoid the “show”.

Frustration is not a nice feeling either for adults or children. The difference is that when adults, we are expected to know how to deal with our feelings, while young children are still learning how to cope with their new emotions as they are not yet mature enough to deal with a certain frustration, which might trigger anger – resulting in a temper tantrum.

When children are having trouble figuring something out or don’t have the vocabulary to express their feelings, or even when mum or dad is “too busy” talking to someone else and can’t give them attention, this should be enough reason for your child to feel frustrated.

Keep calm

You are not able to control how your children will react. You are, however, able to control your own reaction. Keeping yourself calm and your tone of voice nice will help not to raise the tension further.

Help your children express in words what they are feeling

Talk to your children about frustration, anger and irritation more often, and during a tantrum offer a hug even if they avoid it. You can say “I will be here when you want a hug”. Allow your child to cry, making sure they are in a safe space.

Look at things from your child’s perspective: When we, adults, feel frustrated, do we look for someone to say: “oh this is not important, aren’t you overreacting?”

Not at all! All we need to do is take our time to feel our frustration and understand our feelings. We seek support at that time – and so do the children.

Change focus

Changing environments, looking at the sky, taking a walk and taking the focus off the tantrum often helps to “deactivate the bomb”. However, experiencing the sadness resulting from frustrations is part of the process of growing up.

After a tantrum, comes the teaching

After the meltdown, try and have constructive conversations with the children. “Did you get angry when I took your toy away? Shall we think of other ways to act?”. You are letting your children talk and giving them information and guidance.

Make questions like: “How big is this problem? little, medium or a big problem? Shall we think and solve it together?” You encourage your children to think about finding “solutions” in certain situations.

Set up limits

Keeping calm does not mean giving in to the child’s wishes, which could send a message: that “if I throw a tantrum, I will get what I want”.

Being always permissive will not help parents to teach children how to deal with frustration, something essential for adult life. The plan is to say “no” when necessary and to accept the frustration resulting from that “no”.

Parents and children can learn to deal with emotions together. It is not uncommon for moms and dads to lose their temper and even unintentionally end up yelling at their kids. These moments can be excellent opportunities to teach children to take responsibility for their actions.

“Mum/Dad lost control, but now I took a deep breath. Sorry I screamed, let’s start all over again and talk about the toys on the floor.”

If the situation allows, it is also possible to “take a break” saying: “Mum/Dad will take a moment to think” is a possible way out. It gives you a moment to breathe and elaborate on what choices you are going to offer your children.